Getting Older Is Shit!
Sooo today I went to the hospital to see the rheumatologist again.
For the last two and a half years since I was first diagnosed with lupus I've been seeing a really nice old doctor every six months to try and get to the bottom of what it actually is that's wrong with me.
Each time I go there are new symptoms to add to the original ones, and the added bonus that the original symptoms are worse than they were 6 months previously, so this is never a happy visit.
Today the kindly old man wasn't there, instead a woman who I would guess was in her late 30's saw me. She went through my file as I sat there and got the basics pretty wrong, but we got that sorted and I thought we were on the same page.
As I described the newer symptoms and confirmed that the old ones had indeed gotten worse in spite of five months of not working and being essentially on holiday she decided to have a feel around. She felt my right hand and casually informed me of the 'wear and tear Osteo-Arthritis' in my finger joints and my wrist, the same with the left hand. This casual diagnosis continued as she felt my elbows, shoulder, ankles, toes and finally my knees. She informed me it was quite bad on my right knee in particular.
I was a bit stunned I have to say because since 1991 when I was first diagnosed with assorted symptoms of RSi, I have been regularly monitored for arthritis and it's always come back negative. When I began my early menopause four years ago I had bone density tests as well as various blood tests, all of which came back clear. Two and a half years ago the original rheumatologist ruled out arthritis of any kind as the cause of my swollen and perpetually aching joints, and now this woman tells me categorically that I have Osteo-Arthritis just about everywhere in my body!
Then of course she informs me that beyond the anti-inflammatories that I already take - the ones that if you take the prescribed dose will fuck up your kidneys - and the exercise that I already do, there is nothing to be done about it. It's just 'one of those things' that happens as you age.
I asked her about all the other lupus-like symptoms that I have and that are indeed getting worse and she said that while I "probably do have lupus" that's not the reason my bones are fucked. Lovely.
I can't begin to express how scary I find this diagnosis. I accept that as you get older your body wears out - HH The Dalai Lama describes it as a suit that gets worn from a life of use - I'm not exactly ancient at 50! What gets me the most is that in the five and a half years since I had my gastric bypass I've been healthier than I ever have in my life technically speaking, yet I have never been sicker!
Ten years ago when I was running around the world getting coked off my tits, smoking 40 fags a day, drinking like there was no tomorrow and weighing a mahooooosive 22 stones I had no health issue at all. Well apart from the smoker's cough, hangovers and the odd nosebleed of course. I am fully aware that I am 10 years older, but even so it just seems to be a relentless yet agonisingly slow march to the grave.
Maybe I should get back on the booze and the beak and go out with a bang eh?
For the last two and a half years since I was first diagnosed with lupus I've been seeing a really nice old doctor every six months to try and get to the bottom of what it actually is that's wrong with me.
Each time I go there are new symptoms to add to the original ones, and the added bonus that the original symptoms are worse than they were 6 months previously, so this is never a happy visit.
Today the kindly old man wasn't there, instead a woman who I would guess was in her late 30's saw me. She went through my file as I sat there and got the basics pretty wrong, but we got that sorted and I thought we were on the same page.
As I described the newer symptoms and confirmed that the old ones had indeed gotten worse in spite of five months of not working and being essentially on holiday she decided to have a feel around. She felt my right hand and casually informed me of the 'wear and tear Osteo-Arthritis' in my finger joints and my wrist, the same with the left hand. This casual diagnosis continued as she felt my elbows, shoulder, ankles, toes and finally my knees. She informed me it was quite bad on my right knee in particular.
I was a bit stunned I have to say because since 1991 when I was first diagnosed with assorted symptoms of RSi, I have been regularly monitored for arthritis and it's always come back negative. When I began my early menopause four years ago I had bone density tests as well as various blood tests, all of which came back clear. Two and a half years ago the original rheumatologist ruled out arthritis of any kind as the cause of my swollen and perpetually aching joints, and now this woman tells me categorically that I have Osteo-Arthritis just about everywhere in my body!
Then of course she informs me that beyond the anti-inflammatories that I already take - the ones that if you take the prescribed dose will fuck up your kidneys - and the exercise that I already do, there is nothing to be done about it. It's just 'one of those things' that happens as you age.
I asked her about all the other lupus-like symptoms that I have and that are indeed getting worse and she said that while I "probably do have lupus" that's not the reason my bones are fucked. Lovely.
I can't begin to express how scary I find this diagnosis. I accept that as you get older your body wears out - HH The Dalai Lama describes it as a suit that gets worn from a life of use - I'm not exactly ancient at 50! What gets me the most is that in the five and a half years since I had my gastric bypass I've been healthier than I ever have in my life technically speaking, yet I have never been sicker!
Ten years ago when I was running around the world getting coked off my tits, smoking 40 fags a day, drinking like there was no tomorrow and weighing a mahooooosive 22 stones I had no health issue at all. Well apart from the smoker's cough, hangovers and the odd nosebleed of course. I am fully aware that I am 10 years older, but even so it just seems to be a relentless yet agonisingly slow march to the grave.
Maybe I should get back on the booze and the beak and go out with a bang eh?
posted by JoJo Smith at Monday, June 20, 2011
2 Comments:
Nooooooo don't do that!! You've come too far from all of that to go back, it would just make you feel even worse..
You're right of course Claire, plus I couldn't afford it now!
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