Tour of Duty ... Part One

So I had booked this 12 day/11 night tour of Vietnam from bottom to top at the same time I booked the Cambodia trip. Stupidly I left myself no recovery time in between. I got to the hotel about 10pm from Siem Reap and was up at 4am the next day to head out on the Vietnam tour.

It began with a trip to the domestic departures side of HCMC Airport and a flight to Nha Trang. That name is one of many I recognise from assorted songs and movies about Vietnam. I was told that it used to be a massive military base for the US and have a vague feeling it’s where Robert Duvall was when he announced “Charlie don’t surf” in Apocalypse Now.

I wasn’t sure what else to expect as my Lonely Planet guide was pretty brief on the highs and lows of the place. Turns out they were right about the beach though, it was fabulous. The other good thing I knew was that I would be staying here for two whole nights, which meant a. I could unpack and b. I could get my laundry done. As soon as I got to the hotel, I grabbed the stinky bag that’d been all over Cambodia with me and handed it all over for an express service wash. Now, while the hotel wasn’t exactly the Ritz it was pretty decent and I can’t imagine being able to afford to get a huge bag of washing done in a UK hotel of the same calibre. This cost about $5, and they were upset that I didn’t want the stuff ironing at no extra cost!

I was taken to see a few of the sights of Nha Trang while my smalls were being seen to and was thrilled, despite the 150 steps up in the baking heat, to see the huge seated Buddha here at the Long Son Pagoda. Around the base of him are plaques commemorating some of the Vietnamese monks who set fire to themselves in protest at the war with the US. It was incredibly moving stuff.


From there we visited the Hindu Temple at the Pagoda Tower. This too was an amazing series of structures overlooking the town. I loved seeing the ancient image of Ganesha in the stone.

Then it was onto the huge French-built Catholic church. Although I am in no way Catholic myself, my parents were and I thought of them and how much they would’ve loved to have seen this beautiful building.


In the space of one afternoon I’d covered Catholicism, Buddhism and Hinduism… all that was left was of course Consumerism. This was fully catered for by the enormous market in the centre of Nha Trang.

Myself and Han, my guide, had a little wander about. He was very keen to point out the number of stalls selling dried seahorses. Apparently these are Vietnamese Viagra, though he went to great lengths to assure me he needed no such thing! It seemed kinda sad to see so many of the things dead for no reason other than some bloke has drunk too much Tiger Beer.

After being confined on the bus for so long I was ready for a bit of alone time, so I bid Han farewell and wandered off on my own. Outside the Nha Trang Centre - a sort of Vietnamese Bluewater - there was a fabulous bar/cafe with those 60’s style wicker swing seats, called - funnily enough - Swing. It was getting on for sunset so I gave the shopping centre a swerve and climbed into one of the seats. Here I sat and watched the sunset sipping on a fresh mango smoothie. I was falling in love with Nha Trang!

Dinner was laid on for me at the hotel next door to the one I was staying in, and while it was kinda sad - me sitting there on a table for one, with nobody else in the massive dining room - the food was amazing. I had these tiny grilled scallops to start, they were flavoured with lemongrass and garlic and are quite possibly the most delicious thing I’ve had in my mouth for a very long time!

Day two in Nha Trang was yet another early start, but for a most excellent reason. Today I was going to Monkey Island! The bus picked me up and ferried me to the docks where I boarded a reasonable sized boat (by that I mean one that didn’t make me shit myself when I climbed in). The first stop was Thi Island where according to the brochure I would interact with precious animals. These turned out to be some deer and some ostriches. We got to feed both and there was plenty of photo ops. I was way more impressed by the ostriches than the deer, after all I can go to Richmond Park to see them!

We were back on the boat and off to Orchid Island where we were going to be able to swim, sunbathe and have lunch. All three sounded good to me. When we disembarked, we were also told we could ride an ostrich and see a “bear show’. This was only half true as it turned out the bear was sick. Not fancying turning myself in to the Vietnamese Bernie Clifton I skipped the ostrich ride too and headed straight for the beach.

Having had the good sense to wear my bikini under my clothes I was ready to go. I plonked myself into a deckchair and slathered on the suncreme. Within seconds, a perky Vietnamese woman was after money from me. I guess they were pissed that I wasn’t spending on the rides. I handed over the equivalent of about 50p and settled down for an hour of sun worship - the first since I left the UK. It felt really good to have the sun on my skin again I can tell you. Almost as good was the warm water of the South China Sea as I popped in for a swim to cool off! I can barely believe I just typed that, how bloody lucky am I????

Lunch was pretty good and I got chatting to a cool couple from Australia, once again no other Brits on this trip. After we’d eaten it was back on the boat and off to Monkey Island!!!!!!!!

Anyone who’s read my blogs will know how I feel about primates, so my excitement was tangible. As we were ushered into this arena I felt the excitement waning a bit. We were going to see a ‘monkey show’. This island apparently has 1000 monkeys scampering about, most of whom will come pretty close to any human who looks like they might have food, but that’s not enough. Sickeningly, a few of them have been captured and “trained” to do stupid fucking tricks for even stupider fucking tourists. I wandered backstage and saw one poor creature with a noose-like rope around his neck, a green satin suit on and no fur whatsoever on his body, chained up and waiting to go on. I’m no expert but when an animal has pulled all his own fur out, chances are he ain’t too happy I’m guessing.

I had tears in my eyes as I looked at his sad, sad face. Behind me were the ‘wild’ monkeys - one of whom was trying to get into my rucksack - and this poor bugger could only stare out from his chicken wire prison. I had to walk away from the arena, and this was obviously noticed because the tour guide came and found me and asked why I wasn’t watching the show. Let’s just say I was pretty frank in my explanation.

Then it was time to feed the wild ones, and boy were they wild! They’re the same species -macaques - as the ones I’ve fed at Kuala Selangor in Malaysia a couple of times, but these ones were really vicious. I guess the fear of ending up in that barbaric show keeps them like that. Or maybe it’s the mix of nuts and corn that they’re fed by the tourists rather than the green shoots they eat in Malaysia. It was a bit scary as they realised you had a bag of this stuff and the noise of them all hooting and screeching wasn’t too pleasant either. I kinda threw my food into a gang of them and stood back. I didn’t want these buggers crawling all over me! The presence of the armed guard wasn’t as reassuring as it should’ve been either!

We were shipped back to the mainland in time for dinner and after a change of clothes and a freshen up it was time to go exploring. I didn’t have to go too far as in the next street to my hotel was a ‘walking street’ or night market as we call them. It was selling the usual tat but the walk was pleasant enough and the ice-cream parlour at the end of the street made it really rewarding!