A Crying Shame...

So then in the midst of packing and sorting out my life both home and away I took a couple of hours out today to go and see the new Steve McQueen (not that one, the artist bloke who makes films now) movie “Shame”.

It stars Carey Mulligan who got to snog Ryan Gosling in Drive so I’m already jealous of her, and Michael Fassbender who to my knowledge hasn’t be that close to Mr Gosling so he’s ok.

There was a really mixed bunch in the cinema (Odeon Camden). A few young couples, one or two older women making use of Pensioner’s Monday discounts, a couple of random guys and me. I’d read up on the movie and was surprised at the couples, it’s not what I’d consider a ‘date’ movie! The single men didn’t surprise me at all, I guess they were expecting a shagfest - boy were they gonna be let down.

I was a bit apprehensive about going alone to see it cos I’d heard there were a few full frontal shots of Mr Fassbender nekkid and I didn’t wanna look like an ‘old spinster wankmonkey’ as I put it on Twitter. 

Sadly an early menopause put paid to my wanking days and indeed my sex drive completely and this was driven home to me today when practically the opening shot is him wandering about with his todger flapping about. 

He’s an attractive man, he has an ‘attractive’ knob - inasmuch as any knob can be attractive and even flaccid it’s a decent size - but all I could think was ‘nice apartment’.

I did have a good look at it though, and even if I wasn’t a dried up old wretch, his bush would’ve put me off. He had so much hair around his cock it looked like Angela Davis. If you gave him a blow job you’d be coughing up hairballs like a cat for weeks!

In case you weren’t aware, he’s meant to be this soulless sex addict, but from what I could see, he didn’t seem a whole lot different to most of the guys I’ve known in my time! It was a really bleak, depressing movie - beautifully shot mind you, you can tell the director is an artist - but not one to see if you’re already on a downer.

By the way, any men reading this, if you see it and don’t think he has too much pubic hair, then your bush needs trimming too!