England's World Cup Glory

So taking a break from watching the World Cup Final between England and Switzerland in Euro 2006....it's all very exciting isn't it?

They've just taken Mickey Rooney off, and replaced him with Glen Campbell, Mickey isn't happy cos he didn't score, he's kicked his football slippers off in disgust...no Horlicks from granny for you tonight young man! Well his sister Collin's out there with him and I suspect they might be sharing a room due to the over-crowding, no room for a third person in there is there?

So far it's all very fair with both teams having one point each, which I think is lovely...if it stays like that, everybody wins, don't they?

Our point was scored by a little boy called Old King Cole - strange name for a child - but his brother Aisleen Cole doesn't seem to be doing too much. She's probably worrying about getting back into the Big Brother house in time for the nomination results. There's another Cole brother - MJ - but he doesn't like football, so he plays records in a discoteque, and in his spare time makes records that noboby buys but which Trevor Nelson raves about.

I like it when they have brothers playing, it used to always be the Neville Brothers didn't it? Phil and Aaron. I wonder why they don't play with England anymore, maybe they've gone back to singing. Tell It Like It Is is one of my favourite songs of all time.

Michael Owen, who used to be the Showbiz writer at the Evening Standard when I worked there 16 years ago, was taken off at the beginning cos his varicose veins were playing up...I hope he remembers to put his elastic stocking on before the next innings.

For a girl I really know quite a lot about football, I know that our Captain - David Beckhambauer - is married to the ugly ginger one from Girls Aloud, and likes to wear skirts. I also know that all the experts keep banging on about the 'Spirit of 96' but I can't even remember where we played that game.

We've just got another point! Hurrah for us! Aaaaaah for poor The Switzerland tho, I like their player Freddie Flintoff, he has a great body, I've seen him modelling knickers for Matalan...sexy! The boy called Tony Gerrard scored our second point...so now everyone will be getting jumpers with his name on and saying they always liked him best I guess.

Some boy with no hair called Harry Larson has just got another run for Switzerland, so it's all fair and square again. It seems he's not even Swiss, cos during the day he plays for a Scottish team, not sure which one Cardiff or Doncaster I think.

So that's the Euro World Cup all done and dusted, I enjoyed it! I think I might watch it again next year when it's going to be played in EuroDisneyLand Paris again.