A Time Of Transition

Regular readers (if such a thing exists!) of my blog will know that recently my writings have been pretty vague, and a lot less frequent. I've not been sure myself why this is. 

Was it cos I've been hooked on Michael Legge's FaceBook blogs which are hilarious and searingly, nastily honest? My own stuff certainly seems tame by comparison. When I have to mention someone I don't like particularly, I tend to stick to the old Northern proverb - When in doubt, say nowt - whereas Leggy calls a c*nt a c*nt and to hell with the consequences! It's very funny and compulsive reading.

But after giving it some thought, the answer is no. It's not Mr Legge's blog that's curbed my writing. It's life. I have been a bit busier than usual, but I have also been going through a period of change emotionally and physically and for some bizarre reason I haven't felt like sharing it with anyone!

Anyone who actually knows me will tell you this is just about the most out of character thing ever for me. Usually there's no shutting me up, especially when something is troubling me.  I've been known to bend the ear of anyone within shouting distance. Hell I'm the woman who managed to make the Samaritans hang up on her! Twice!!!!!!

The reality is that the things in my life that aren't great are the same old things that have always been pretty crap, and they're not gonna change. What needs to change is how I react to it all, of course. 

The last two years have been a brilliant distraction, what with shedding half my body weight, and the first of two major operations to reverse the damage done to my body by being obese. The euphoria of being skinny has carried me through, blinding me to the realities that have always been there.

Before getting skinny, I used a variety of methods to distract myself, all of them negative. Binging on food, drink, drugs, sex and shopping, was a way to numb myself. I think we all have something we use in times of stress.

I certainly believe that I will always have an addictive personality, the shopping addiction came back big time earlier this year and once again I am left clearing the debts I incurred - I just thank God I am able to pay 'em off. The exercise is also another addiction but one that can only do me good, I've watched myself embrace the yoga classes with all the abandon of a coke binge, the difference is this is improving my health rather than ruining it, but the high is the same.

In six days time I fly to Kuala Lumpur to get the bottom half of my body tidied up, two weeks of surgery, stitches and pain followed by a week in Borneo with the orang utans - yay! I have the feeling that this is both the end of one chapter and the beginning of a new, exciting one. 

All my dreams might not come true, but I'm alive and I am moving forward!