Comedy Blue

Sooooo yesterday was the day. I'd been looking forward to doing the second series of Comedy Blue ever since Cameron the producer asked me to do it in up in Edinburgh back in August.

The first reason I was so excited was that I rarely ever get asked back anywhere! The second was pure vanity. When I did last year's show I was huge, and it wasn't until I saw the dvd back in May this year did I realise just how huge I was! I had planned to put a clip up on MySpace, but when I saw it there was no way!

So I got the train to Brighton where they film it as part of the Brighton Comedy Festival, and headed over to the Dome. Some of the team working on the show worked on last year's and it was great to see their reactions when they saw me.

My bestest pal Stephen K Amos was there already, as always it was fab to be spending time with him. I checked the running order, and saw that I had the same spot as last time, on second. Steve was first on. I love going on early cos it means the crowd aren't too 'filthed out' and there's little chance of any overlap of material.

Lovely Sarah the make-up lady was happy to see me, I was the only girl on the show and it meant she got to do more than just a bit of powdering. I love having my make-up done by professionals, you get such great tips from them! Last year she used this amazing stuff on my eyebrows, and I went straight out and bought some.

After Steve and I had eaten the delicious cooked dinner, I plonked myself in her chair and let her work her magic. The first thing to go on was a pair of false eyelashes. I've never worn these before, fearful of glueing my eyes shut, or one of em dropping down my cheek as the night progresses. I'm a clumsy bugger at the best of times, I once lost a stick on fingernail up a guy's ass! Worst of that was, I never told him, and spent the rest of the night hiding the nail-less finger!

It's amazing the difference they make boy! I had no other make-up on but instantly looked wide awake! Twenty or so minutes later I was transformed. TV make has to be heavier and stronger cos of the lighting, and in the dim lights backstage I looked like I was ready to go and do a turn at the Vauxhall Tavern. Some of the other comics, including Sean Hughes, Richard Herring, Glenn Wool, Jason Rouse, Steve Hughes, Andrew Lawrence (who looks so cute with his new haircut!), and Josh Howie were sitting around eating their dinner, and boy did they get a shock when I turned round!

I launched into a quick refrain of "I am what I am" then scooted off to get into my outfit.

Now this is probably not the most professional thing to admit but I spent more time working out what I'd wear on the show than what I would say! Vain old cow that I am! I figured they could always dub in more laughs, but there was no way they could photoshop my appearance!

Being the only girl on I had my own dressing room, it's fun being a minority sometimes! And once I'd wrestled myself into the size 10 Primark super skinny jeans, the black patent fuck me boots, and the trendy (and bloody expensive!) Portobello Road blinged up Rolling Stones t-shirt that fit like a glove I allowed myself a small moment of pride as I looked at the reflection in the mirror. I keep saying that this is the easiest way ever to lose weight, but the reality is that the operation was incredibly painful, and there are mornings I don't feel like doing the hardcore training, so I have put the work into this.

Steve came in and almost had tears in his eyes as he looked at me. He was astonished at the way I looked, and clearly so happy for me.

I put my tuxedo jacket on and we went back upstairs. I managed to get a couple of photos taken...I wanted to preserve this moment for posterity.

The fantastic Jason Byrne was hosting the show this year, and by the time Sarah had applied my lippy he was warming up the crowd before bringing Steve on. As I stood watching Steve on the monitor, the nerves kicked in. Suddenly how I looked wasn't as important as how I performed. I nipped out for a quick fag and tried to go through what I was gonna do. Jason Rouse came up to me and told me I looked a million dollars and assured me I'd be fine, then it was time to go on.

My mouth was dry, my heart really pumping in a way it doesn't even when I'm on my 80th reverse crunch, and somehow I found myself in front of the audience. This material wasn't that polished, but I spoke from the heart and they responded to that. People know when you are speaking the truth. Before I knew it, the red light was on telling me I'd done my time, and I was backstage being congratulated by the others.

As we were on so early, Steve and I decided to head back to London rather than stay over. The fact that there were no smoking rooms at the hotel played a part in that decision too I have to say! I changed back into my jeans and trainers, loads more comfy than the winkle pickers!

By 11pm I was walking back into my house, still with the full make-up on but minus the false eyelashes, they felt so weird on my eyes that I had to peel em off on the train home.

What a fantastic night, what a brilliant experience. A massive thank you to everyone who made it possible.