An Interesting Week

With the Christmas season rapidly approaching (you'd think it was December 24th the way the shops are all dressed up) this week was kinda my last week with a chunk of free time before the madness kicks in.

I decided to be sensible and get everything in order - I am so grown up these days! - stocked up on cleaning stuff etc at the supermarket, enough to last me through to New Year, did a ton of cleaning, and took the plunge and bought a new bed and mattress. My current one is 8 years old and after having near enough 20 stones laying on it every night I figured it was probably time to renew!

I'd seen a fabulous bed from M&S's Autograph range in an interiors magazine, but thought it was a bit expensive. Anyway I took a look on their website and blow me, the mattress was half price on a special offer! I decided it was a sign. I also took the plunge and bought some gorgeous new bed linen by Jasper Conran...for the new bed when it arrives.

Because most of this year has been taken up with focusing on my health, weight loss etc., I've kinda neglected my home, but I guess the clocks going back and the dark nights descending ever faster have made me think about my home comforts. It feels good.

That's not to say I've been neglecting my other passion - Primark. I got a fantastic pair of flares - yes flares! - in there this week, £12 and really great quality denim. They're not the 'Madchester' kind of flares, they're more a '70's-Farrah Fawcett-lady flare' and look fabulous on. Glad I took a chance on em.

As I've said before, I've lost weight in the strangest of places, and the most recent place has been my fingers. I've been wearing a set of stacking silver rings set with various semi-precious stonesI had made for me in 1990 by a fantastic jeweller called Karen-Ann Gledhill. I had to have them made cos my fingers were too fat to buy off the peg, and over the years I've worn em pretty much every day. A few weeks ago I was getting my nails done and when I washed my hands in the salon, they just fell off my finger! I decided it was time for some new jewellery.

I bought a cheap "diamond" ring off a market stall to cover me till I found something I really like. I tend to wave my hands about a lot onstage and had visions of the old ones flying off and taking someone's eye out. I liked the way these "diamonds" looked on my hand and I guess I am of an age where it's ok to wear diamonds you've bought yourself, so I've found myself ever since gazing in jewellers' windows looking for THE ring.

I was in Selfridges on Wednesday, trying on real diamonds, there was one at Georg Jensen that I really liked but didn't love and at those prices its gotta be something I absolutely love, right?

I have to say I got a huge thrill from being able to try all these rings on without fearing that embarrassment of getting one stuck or it not going over my knuckle. Anyway I found another concession - a company called Pianegonda, who I'd never heard of, and there IT was. THE ring! I didn't ask the price I just had to try it on. It fit and it blew my mind. It's pave diamonds and reminded me in a strange way of Damien Hirst's skull the way it glittered and sparkled and caught the light. I know it's not very Buddhist to get obsessed with things, but my goodness, I had to have this ring! It was on my finger and it wasn't coming off till I owned it. The saleswoman told me the price and I handed over my credit card...suffice to say I've never spent that amount of money on a single item in my life...but it's worth every single penny.

My spending spree didn't end there. Yesterday I finally went to see Mr Jan Stanek, the plastic surgeon. You might have seen him on 10 Years Younger on C4. I'd waited six months for this appointment, and when I first booked it, it was to see about having my 'wattle' removed. Not sure if that's the medical term, but basically its the loose skin under my chin that used to be filled with a load of fat and I'm pretty self conscious about it. No amount of exercise or face creams can get rid of it, the knife is the only solution.

Anyway, in the time I've waited to see him, various other parts of my body have also deteriorated. I have the bingo wings of an 80 year old, and again none of my exercise has been able to make the loose skin disappear, unlike my boobs which have gone completely! The one thing I liked about myself when I was fat was my boobies and now I look like a boy unless I wear an extremely padded bra!

So the day finally arrived and I went in to his office. The first thing that struck me was how warm he is. Sometimes medical experts can come across as a bit cold and/or pompous, but not Mr Stanek. I felt immediately at ease with him. I explained what I felt I needed but I wanted his opinion on what could be done.

He took a look at my face and explained what he could do for me there, something about moving the facial muscles back to where they're meant to be, and removing the wattle, the bingo-wing removal would basically rid me of about 4lbs of excess skin (seems they're worse than I thought!), and the boobs....well I definitely needed a lift, and he showed me how they'd look if I just had that done - like a 12 year old lad basically - so implants were needed too. He said that unlike other surgeons he doesn't let the patient choose the size he picks what will look most natural on the patient.

So the long and short of it is, I won't have a face like Joan Rivers or tits like Jordan, but I will be the best version of me that money can buy. Well the top half of me anyway! As someone who is both single and celibate, the lower half is of less importance at this point in time.

The best bit is that I can have all four things done at once, so only one lot of anaesthetic, and one recovery. The downsides are the healing time, a lot longer than you'd think, the amount of time I have to wait to get it done -next March - and the price which did kind of have me reeling with shock. I rang my Dad who'd generously offered to pay for it all, thinking if he keeled over I'd just spend the rest of my life whinging about it all. To my amazement he said that as he'd never bought me a car or had to pay for a wedding for me he was happy to give me the full amount!!!!!!! There's something to be said for being a non-driving spinster after all!

So there you go, that was my week, and the weekend is a mixed bag as I am off to do Cardiff Jongleurs. I always have a good time there, and I really like the city, plus the weather forecast is great for the time of year and I'll be on with The Raymond and Mr Timkins Review who I love to bits. The downside is the shitty hotel that won't even let you smoke in your room. It was depressing enough when I could have a fag! I did actually look online for a different hotel, prepared to pay any excess, but obviously there's some major event taking place in Cardiff this weekend, cos there's not a room to be had anywhere! Oh well, it's only 48 hours...I'm sure I'll survive.

Have a great weekend folks xx