Paradise Found

So this trip to SE Asia has turned out to be very different to the one I had roughly planned in my mind. Regular readers will recall that this time last year I came out here for six months and buggered off home after six weeks. The thrill of travelling had left me, I was sick of being a tourist.

When I got the email from BA offering me a chance to use my Air Miles for a cheap ticket anywhere in the world, Thailand wasn’t my first choice. I looked at LA and a chance to visit one of my comedy chums who’s doing rather well out there, but there were no cheap flights available to Los Angeles like ever, so because I can’t resist a “bargain” I booked a return flight to Bangkok. 

beautiful Bangkok sunset

Mindful of the last trip I made it for six weeks and then thought no more about it really. The year moved on and suddenly in the middle of my Christmas shows it hit me that I was about to head off again. I had no real idea of where I wanted to go, so I got a visa for India and one for Vietnam. I had pals who were going to be in both countries around the same time so a vague plan of meeting up with one or both of them was filed away in my brain.

I also had a standing invitation to visit my pal up in Chiang Mai where she has a villa. I’d had the same invite last year although she wasn’t there, but then it all went to shit at the last minute, so as I booked my flight and my own villa on the resort I didn’t have high hopes or expectations. That, I now believe, is the key to having a great time. Expect nowt, it can only be a series of positive experiences!

Pre-fast and pre-tan!

As you know from my previous blog, the five days in Chiang Mai became 22 days and another vague plan to sail up the Mekong into Laos was shelved. I also missed the chance to hook up with my chum in Hanoi but as it was almost as cold there as it was in London I wasn’t too heartbroken about not getting there. After three weeks of raw food (and a week of NO food) I was determined to get my fix of Vietnamese cuisine though, so I booked a flying three day visit to Saigon. This turned out to be very serendipitous as I’d unwittingly left it extremely close to my visa for Thailand running out! 

My three days in Ho Chi Minh City were spent walking, eating Pho Bo (beef noodle soup) in some of the most unsavoury locations, and drinking gallons of Ca Phe Sua. I found a really cool little store selling gorgeous t-shirts and divine linen trousers, and stocked up. I cannot tell you how thrilled I was to find out that even in Vietnam where nobody has an ass I am a size S in trousers! Of course it might just be the cut, but an S is an S!

Chicken Banh Mi for breakfast

Has it really been that long?

From there it was back to Thailand (with another four week visa), and down to Koh Samui. I spent almost two weeks there last year and detested the place but I went back for the shopping! Because it’s the most popular island destination for Europeans there are more handbag shops here than in Bangkok even. Having been devastated that my favourite PatPong shop Mook had closed down, this was my only chance to get a fab fake. I was also looking to get another “Rolex” cos the one I got last year is still going strong and it’s the same time as it is on a real one. With that in mind I figured three days would be plenty and I booked a hotel from Agoda, which I thankfully got a big discount on. I say thankfully because compared with everywhere else I’ve stayed it was a dump. Bizarrely though I wasn’t that bothered. I’m not sure what’s happened to me on this trip, but I’m way more laid back about everything. Even the mad Russians who were in the hut next door playing bad trance on an iPhone speaker at  midnight didn’t rile me!

So I got the bag - a lime green Alexander Wang that I didn’t know I loved till I got it on my arm, and a brace of watches in red and yellow “gold”. All were bargains and I was happy.

Gotta love a bit of Wang!

And now I am here. In paradise. Also known as Koh Phangan. I’m staying at an amazing place on Salad Beach, which is miles from the backpacker hell of Had Rin and its legendary Full Moon Parties. On our stretch of beach there’s maybe four hotels and while they’re all pretty much full, there’s a silence. Nobody feels the need to pump out bad dance music, the birds’ singing is as much music as we need. 

I had been apprehensive about staying in an isolated place, especially as I’m here for almost a week. My theory in the past has been stay somewhere busy, because I’m travelling alone, but of course this hasn’t really worked out too well. Quiet is good. 

Reflections

So one of the things travel is supposed to do for you is broaden your mind, that’s what “they” say. Well I’ve certainly learned a lot about the way the world works. More importantly I’ve learned so much more about myself.

I’m learning that I’m pretty resilient, that I’m capable of way more than I ever though possible - like a seven day fast! - and that in the scheme of things I’m a pretty cool person.

This all sounds so big headed I know, but in spite of the character I portray in my day to day life, I’m pretty damn hard on myself. Having been raised to feel I was never good enough, I then sought out relationships with others that reinforced those negative feelings. I don’t just mean sexual relationships, although I was once dumped for being ‘only close to perfect’. But even a number of friendships over the years, I constantly felt as though I had to run to keep up with the people in my life. They were all cleverer than me, more talented, more attractive, more successful, slimmer, the list is endless. In the last few years I’ve found myself being less willing to put up with that kind of b/s from others and I’ve consciously withdrawn myself from people I felt to be toxic. 

This has been really scary, there’s been times when I’ve felt incredibly isolated from the world, especially as the last of my family members have passed on. I’ve grieved hard for people I didn’t much like when they were alive because it was better to have the toxic relationships than it was to be alone. This belief appears to have run it’s course now, and I am starting to finally accept that I’m pretty ok. I’m not the dumbest, fattest, ugliest person I know, nor am I anywhere ‘close to perfect’ but I am ok. And while my career may not have soared to the heights of some of my peers, I’m proud of the work I do and I love that I enjoy every minute of my life; be it time spent onstage or time as now spent on a beautiful tropical island with not much more than sunshine, a hammock and time to think and reflect.