Moscow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sooooooo back from the USSR in one piece - despite the madness of a 36 hour journey back home. Nowt like a power cut to bring an entire airport to a standstill eh?


Day one of the trip was a pleasant surprise from start to finish. Surprise number one was that my flight actually made it what with the snow and chaos at Heathrow. A mere two hour delay and off we went. Arriving in Domodedovo Airport was like arriving on a movie set. There were two guys waiting at the doorway of arrivals who were straight out of central casting! The 20 metre stroll to the Airport Taxi desk was hindered by at least 20 taxi touts all chattering to me in Russian. I must look like a local!

The hotel was Pleasant Surprise number two, for once Expedia weren't joking when they said it was central! I was 10 minutes away from Red Square, the central shopping district and the Bolshoi! Once I was checked in, I threw on some extra layers of clothing and went exploring.

Round the corner from the hotel was a fabulous bar called Cafe Gogol which not only had delicious food and drink but also free wi-fi. Result! A few barbecue chicken wings and an Amaretto with my coffee meant I was asleep almost before I got in bed!


Day two began with a really tasty hotel breakfast, before I hit Red Square. Nothing can prepare you for the first sight of St Basil's Cathedral, it's like something out of a fairytale! It's obviously been done up a few times but even so it's hard to believe it's 5000 years old!


From there it was a quick dash across the Square to Lenin's Tomb before it closed for lunch, nothing like armed guards to make you take things seriously! As we filed past the body I was struck by how unreal it looks. I guess after all these years he was gonna look a bit worse for wear. Outside there were headstones dedicated to all the illustrious leaders, most had a flower or two on them but one was absolutely covered in roses, apart from the name - Joseph Stalin! I didn't realise he was so popular!

Following a reviving coffee I was off to the Kremlin - conveniently located next door - to check out the bling in the Armoury, it was a feast for the eyes! Diamonds, gold, Faberge eggs, fairy-princess carriages and gorgeous clothes.

Needless to say, after a day like that, the only thing left to do was hit the steam room in the hotel gym. That sure warmed my bones up.

Like I've Never Been Gone...

After my glorious five weeks in the sun in SE Asia, I returned to 'frozen Britain' * and boy was it freezing!

Out came my floor length sheepskin coat from Joseph and on it went as I schlepped to Reading for my first gigs after a break of almost six weeks. That coat is sooooo warm, thank god I bought it.

The gigs were Christmas shows and as such had all the joys and horrors associated with the festive season. The joy was the time and a half pay, the horrors were a room full of people who mostly didn't want to be there.

I've written at length in previous years about Christmas gigs, so no need to re-hash it all here, suffice to say this year's are quieter as companies withdraw or cut back funding for the annual jolly, and a lot of the people seem to be wondering if they'll have a works do to go to next year. It's all a bit bleak out there folks.

Anyway this was my last weekend in Reading for the foreseeable future, and I was a bit sad saying 'ta ra' to Rich the fabulous sound man there, but as I stood shivering on the platform at Reading Station waiting for my train to London I was kinda uplifted by the thought that it will be a while before I do this again - if ever.

This weekend I was up in Glasgow for more of the same. Back in August I booked my BA flight from Heathrow. At the time I wasn't even sure that I was going to be taking this leap into the unknown and certainly didn't anticipate the snow that was about to cripple the country. I only booked BA cos at that time it was the cheapest.

So fast forward to last Thursday. Having monitored the situation at both Glasgow and Heathrow all week I was feeling very positive. They were both open, the BA website kept telling my the plane was taking off as planned, yada yada yada.

I got to Paddington and bought my Heathrow Express ticket. I was early, and cold, so I treated myself to my first bacon roll in years and was happily munching on it when my phone pinged. There it was the text from BA saying flight cancelled. No reason given. Both airports were open, every other flight in christendom was taking off and landing, just not mine. I clicked on the 'gimme a refund you useless cunts' button on the BA website then went to get a refund on my Heathrow Express ticket. Of course I have to send it off and wait for that refund.

Assorted hours spent online and on the phone and I was assured that the 13.30 Virgin train was running all the way to Glasgow Central and it was due in at 6pm. Even if it was delayed I'd make it for the gig, so off I went to catch a bus. Outside in Praed Street the road was empty apart from assorted police vehicles - bomb scare. Back down to the tube - severe delays. Somebody was trying to tell me something!

Anyway I got there and the gig on Thursday night was brilliant fun. It was full of students from Caledonian University and they were high as hell on Sunny Delight or something cos they screamed from start to finish! Their energy carried me through the whole night.

Could've used some of that energy on Friday night as the audience there really did seem like hostages - they soooooo didn't want to be there! It was like the Guantanamo Comedy Club! Saturday was better and we all had a cracking night.

My journey back started promisingly, I was at the station early and there was an extra train laid on, so I didn't have to hang about on the station. I also got a table seat to myself in First Class. I was more than happy to hand over my £15 for the upgrade.

By Preston, things changed. First Class was "declassified" but no refund for me. I was in a quiet coach but by Warrington when a gang of "excitable young ladies" got on with their crates of Lambrini it was no longer quiet. At Tamworth we ground to a halt and sat there for an hour due to a signal failure. I was sooooo happy to see the very crowded concourse at Euston!

I was even happier to see my lovely flat. It was warm as I'd followed the guidelines and left the heating on while I was away to stop anything freezing. All the hassles of the weekend evaporated as I chilled out in the warm. At 10pm I heard a 'shudder', the boiler stopped. Just shut down. I rang the emergency call-out number to be told nobody would come till today. I layered up again and go into bed as the last of the warmth seeped out of my flat, and read until sleep (or was it hypothermia) took me.

So here I am today, wearing more clothes in one go than I wore during the entire weekend in the snow! I can see my breath and my joints are slowly seizing up (cheers Lupus). Say a prayer for me folks.






*The Sun

Lashings of Lashes!

I may have that weird little location specific ad at the top of my posts (mainly cos there is no facility to remove it once you click the box) but I don't really do ads or product placements in my posts.

Regular readers will know that I am on an endless and eternal quest to try every beauty treatment ever invented from Creme de la Mere to sheep's placenta hair conditioner. Most of them don't work at all or if they do, no better than if I smeared half a pound of lard on my chops at night.

One product I've been trying out for the last few months that does work though, is RapidLash. I saw a plug for it in Grazia or somewhere and next time I was in Boots - which seems to be the only stockist - I picked up a box and gave it a go.

It's not cheap, £40 for a tube, but it is the cheapest of the serious lash serums out there. I've been using it every night for about five months on both my lashes and eyebrows, so far I've used two tubes so actually it's not that expensive.

Initially I didn't see a difference, but then I noticed an eyelash growing where I'd had a tiny bald spot for years, then about two months in people started complementing me on my lashes, even when I wasn't wearing mascara.

Last month in Kuala Lumpur three different strangers asked me if I was wearing those eyelash extentions. Now I don't know about you, but I rarely even notice someone's eyelashes. I'd notice if they weren't there, but I don't look at someone and go 'Ooooh they've got lovely lashes!', so for someone to notice mine and comment, there must be something going on!

And there is, to the point where now I just get them tinted and the only time I wear mascara is onstage and even then only one coat, compared to the two or three coats I used to use!

It's a watered down version of a product that was developed to help people who've lost hair due to chemotherapy grow lashes and brows, and you need to follow the instructions, but of all the over the counter beauty stuff I've ever bought, this is the only one that actually works!

Speaking of the eyelash tints, I've got a new place to get that done after my local "expert" tore my skin off waxing my brows before I went away. Last weekend I went to Blink in Selfridges and got my brows threaded, plus a lash and brow tint (the joy of ageing, my eyebrow hairs are coming in white now!). The girl who did it was fast, the procedure was pain-free, and the results amazing! Give them a go.

I'm learning that if you get the grooming bit right, you don't really need a lot of make-up. Only taken me to get to nearly 50!