Indiscretion

We've all done it, been caught out gossiping when we thought we were in the clear.

Here's CNN's Kyra Phillips really dropping herself in it!

http://hotair.com/archives/2006/08/29/potty-break-mic-snafu-cnns-phillips-chats-in-the-loo-during-bush-speech/

You'd think she'd have the sense to make sure her mic was off before going to the loo! Having said that, listening to her going on about her 'passionate' husband is far more honest than Bush's cod sympathy and concern about the victims of Katrina one year on.

Still Spinning?

Well yes but less so.

After 6 weeks of hell with Labyrinthitis the end is in sight.

I was told at the start that antibiotics were useless cos its a 'virus' innit? So like a good patient I believed the doctor's and sought alternative cures. Two hundred quids' worth of acupuncture later, it was worse than ever, tho the acupuncture was an interesting experience to say the least.

The last couple of weeks were the worst as it began to affect my balance onstage. I had to grip the mic stand a few times to stop me collapsing onstage. Dangerous stuff, if I'd gone down I'd have taken the front row out with me!

Working with Ian Moore the other week got me thinking. He had the same thing a few years back and taken antibiotics, with the result that it cleared up in three days. This was obviously back in the day when you didn't need to have pus dripping from every orifice to get pills!

So yesterday I managed to get an emergency appointment at my doctor's, the emergency being that I was beginning to stumble just walking down the street.

Armed with a whole internet's worth of info about the disease, including the fact that there's two kinds of labyrinthitis, viral and bacterial, I told her my symptoms and begged her to give me something other than anti-nausea tablets. She ran a whole load of tests, assured me it wasn't a brain tumour, recommended a visit to an audiologist, and eventually wrote a prescription for some bug blasters.

I rushed out and got it filled, and took one right away.

This morning I got out of bed, and for the first time in six weeks, my head didn't feel like there were massive waves crashing around inside of it. I felt a mild dizziness, but nothing like the sensations I experienced when I got up yesterday morning.

So here I am, still fuzzy-headed, but a million times better already, with only 4 tablets inside of me.

I totally understand the medical profession's reluctance to over-prescribe antibiotics, it makes sense that the bugs were building up a resistance to them, but I wonder what would have happened if I hadn't done my homework regarding this illness. Would it have dragged on for weeks, months or years like some of the cases I've read about over the last few days?

I'm not out of the woods yet, but I can see the clearing ahead.

Hurrah for research!

And the winner is....

A huge congrats to the fabulous Phil Nichol who won the new Perrier award in Edinburgh last night. Its about time he was recognised!

Carnival!!!!!!!!!

Sooooooo its that time of year again. Notting Hill Carnival time. I lived in the middle of it for 20 years and when I moved to glorious Maida Vale I figured I'd be able to enjoy a bit of peace and quiet come August Bank Holiday. How wrong was I?????

Every year the boundaries of the Carnival are widened, which means my road is now the last place you can park your car before going to it. Its also the main diversion route for all the buses in the area. To be honest, I had a quieter time when I lived in All Saints Road!

But....its home and after 3 nights in a Travel Inn in Shefflied it feels like paradise! I went up to do my pal Toby Foster's gig The Last Laugh for the first time, and had a whale of a time. Toby has an unusual booking policy in that he has no qualms about having two women on the bill, so both Thursday and Friday nights I got to see other women performing. Friday night it was Jo Caufield who haven't seen doing a set for years! My god she was on fire! It was brilliant to see her working. She's doing a tour at the moment so if you can, check her out.

Last night it was back to the traditional 'girl in the middle' spot, Greg Cook was opening and the fabulous Jason Manford was closing...he's such a joy to watch, great relaxed way about him onstage. He's getting a fair bit of telly these days and well deserved it is too.

Toby was on cracking form too, all weekend. He does a show on Radio Sheffield, a Sony-Award winning show no less, and that and his club mean that he doesn't reallly do many circuit gigs these days, its been three years since I've worked with him, which is far too long. Still the circuit's loss is Sheffield's gain, cos he's got a great club up there. I look forward to playing it again soon.

One little thing I noticed about Sheffield tho, it may be the home of ABC and The Human League and more recently The Arctic Monkeys, but its obviously also the home to the biggest collection of pie eaters in the entire UK. There's gotta be a least 20 branches of Greggs in the city centre alone! How very odd.

Festival!!!!!!!!!

So Sunday afternoon I disembarked from my train at Edinburgh Waverley Station, dying for a fag but faced with a billion signs saying that as the station was an 'enclosed public space' smoking was not allowed. Bugger!

Got a cab to my pal Stephen K Amos's flat, which was in a very smart part of town, to find that his flat was of course 6 very very steep flights of stairs up! Why is it that nothing is downhill in Edinburgh?

A quick cuppa, one fag smoked hanging out of the window (its a non-smoking flat) and a layer of slap on my face later, and we were back out and en route for some lunch. Within 30 seconds we'd bumped into Mark Thomas and Robin Ince, then entering the restaurant, we saw the lovely Marcus Brigstocke! This place really is comedy central.

We filled up on pasta - carbs for slow release of energy - and caught up on what's being occuring so far. Steve's having a great time, selling out, rave reviews and generally being less of a party animal than ever before. He's not the only one, I've never seen so many comedians looking so healthy at this stage of the festival before. Either we're all getting older and more sensible, or the cost of doing the month is sooooooo high that no-one can afford to get wasted every night.

We jumped into a cab over to the E4 Udderbelly venue, which is a giant inflatable purple cow laying on it's back in the middle of Bristo Square. Its here that Steve's doing Talk Radio with Phil Nichol and Mike McShane (who by the way is half the man he used to be! He's lost a ton of weight!). Steve walked me into the show, then he went to prepare for his acting role. That seems to consist of putting a different shirt on.

I'd seen the movie years ago, but Phil's portrayal of late night shock-jock Barry Champlayne, eclipses Eric Bogosian's original performance....he's fantastic! Steve was fab too, and the whole thing was just a great theatre experience.

We hung out after the show, and I bumped into Reginald D Hunter. I haven't seen Reg for a couple of years and it was a joy to catch up with him. We wandered over to the Pleasance, so that Steve could prepare for his next show, the stand-up one called "All of Me". I was really looking forward to this, as spending an hour in Mr Amos' company is always a joy. He sure didn't disappoint. What a great show! There's a few days left and he's added extra shows, so if you're in the Edinburgh area get yer ass down there and see him now!

More ligging ensued, catching up with Steve Hughes, Paul Sinha, Terry Alderton and many more, before it was time to go to the Gilded Balloon for Steve's third show of the day, MC'ing Late and Live. The line-up included Rhys Darby who I haven't seen since he became a Dad a few months back. He always makes me laugh with his silly noises and faces, its childish but that's not a bad thing at all.

Jim Jeffries was also on, and it was a joy of a different kind watching him. Half of the audience were in shock at the things he was saying. It really does confuse me that people don't get that these are just jokes. I mean Jim's stuff is strong, but he's funny as hell and not really hurting anyone. There's plenty of guys on the circuit who do the shock thing, but in my opinion Jim stands out as the one whose writing justifies the depths he plunges to.

After the gig was over we headed up to the Loft Bar, which has an outside terrace so you can smoke, needless to say this place is very popular! Here's the role call of old mates I saw in there: Bill Bailey, Dave Johns, Kevin Eldon, Nick Wilty, Steve Furst, Martin Trenneman, Brendan Burns, Shappi Korsandi, Christian Riley, and about a million more! It was great to see so many cool people in one place.

By the time we scaled the north face of Steve's flat I was all ligged out, and shocked to see that it was 4am! I haven't been out this late, sober and drug free for about 30 years!

A whole 4 hours' sleep later and I was up and getting ready for another show. I went to see The Early Edition which is Marcus Brigstocke's topical comedy thing. He does The Late Edition on BBC4 which is fantastic and decided to do a daily version during the festival. My comedy brother Andre Vincent is involved in both shows and it was wonderful to catch up with him. They had two guests, a female comic called Carrie Quinlan and the lovely Ed Byrne who I haven't seen since the last time I was in Edinbugh three years ago. They disected the days papers, made lots of jokes and was a perfect way to start the day, especially as we all got a free coffee and a bun.

I buggered off for a bit of art for the rest of the afternoon, then headed back to the Udderbelly to meet up with Steve after his show, we had some food together but a day spent walking uphill and 4 hours' kip got the better of me and I had to give up and head back to his flat at 9. I was fast asleep by 9.30!

Tuesday I got up at the crack of dawn again and went with Steve as he did Fred MacAulay's radio show at the gorgeous Spielgeltent, the lovely Will Smith was also on. He's having a great festival, which he thoroughly deserves. Steve's second show of the day was his own chat show at the Gilded Balloon. He'd enlisted me to do a bit in the middle of the show, where he gets two comedians to re-enact a famous movie scene, and I was doing Casablanca with Papa CJ, a newish comic who's up here doing the odd gigs.

Luckily he had proper guests on too, in the form of Dudley Sutton and Barry Cryer and Ronnie Golden, all of whom were fabulously entertaining. The best part of it all for me was that I was the only person on that stage who didn't swear! Makes a very pleasant change!

Late lunch and a long chat later, and it was time for me to go. I had a great couple of days, but did it make me wish I was doing my own hour show up there? No, not really. Edinburgh is very corporate these days, and unless what you're selling is what the industry wants to buy there really isn't a reason to spend all that hard earned cash. For every sell-out show like Steve's there are 20 others who are playing to 4 people a night and running up a huge debt. A one-star review can ruin not just your Edinburgh, but your entire career, and I really don't have anything I want to say badly enough to put myself through all of that.

Maybe one day I will...who knows?

Big Mommas and Massive Wangs

In addition to seeing lots of wonderful comedy and ligging like my life depended on it, I took time out In Edinburgh to check out a couple of art exhibitions at the National Gallery of Scotland.

Their big Festival show was the Ron Mueck exhibition. This is the Aussie guy who used to work for Jim Henson as a model maker before switching to producing his frighteningly realistic sculptures of men, women and babies. Apparently he's come in for a ton of flack because he used to make Muppets. certain critics reckon that excludes him from being an artist. I guess Andy Warhol's stint as a graphic designer means he too aint an artist. Bollocks!

The centerpiece of the show is an enormous figure of a woman lying in a bed. She's so big that as you approach her, you feel like a child again. The distant gaze in her eyes is incredibly disconcerting. Even freakier is that she - like all of the other pieces in the show - are so lifelike, even tho none of them are life size, you feel like they are real, like any second now they will get up and begin walking around.

When my mum died last October I saw her dead body in the hospice. It was the first (and hopefully last) dead body I've ever seen. The sculptures in Ron's show reminded me so much of what I saw that day. It was incredibly emotional but in a postive way, just like when I saw my mum.

The Buddha talks about the body being like a suit, and eventually that suit wears out. The dead body is not the person, their actions and your memories are the person. this body is just a shell that holds it all together for the time that they are here. This show was very life-affirming. I'm not sure if it's going to be on show anywhere else in the UK, but if it isn't get yourself up to Edinburgh and see it.

There was a deal whereby you could save dosh by seeing two shows and it just so happened that they also had a Robert Mapplethorpe show on at the Gallery of Modern Art. This gallery is on the outskirts of Edinburgh, but there's a free shuttle bus that takes you out there, which is cool.

I'm a massive fan of Mapplethorpe, have been for 25 years, and it saddens me to say this wasn't the greatest selection of his photographs I've ever seen. It was a bit 'Pic'n'Mix' to be honest, but still worth seeing if you've never seen his work.

He's pretty notorious for his gay S&M pics, and there's one or two on show here including a particularly wince-making one where he has a bullwhip sticking out of his ass, and his love of well hung black men is also represented here. One photograph had me questioning my vow of celibacy!

There is so much more to Mapplethorpe than the sensational stuff tho. His celebrity photographs are like formal portraits from a bygone era, his flowers are the most erotic things you will ever see, and his series on the female bodybuilder Lisa Lyons make her look like a piece of classical sculpture, sadly this show doesn't pick the best of those photos.

What this gallery does have going for it tho, is a brilliant garden cafe, with lovely herbal teas and homemade cakes, and on Monday afternoon after 24 hours of festival madness, sitting in the blazing sunshine with no sounds other than those of the birds in the trees was a welcome relief.

Soon Come Big Bro

Soooooo I am off again. This time for six whole days!!!!!!!

I got three nights at Leeds Jongleurs, with some people I aint seen for ages - Helen Austin and Ian Moore - so really looking forward to it. Plus there's all the fabby shopping in Leeds so I've left a bit of space in my case.

On Sunday I'm off up to Edinburgh for three days, to catch up on some old pals and see some shows. I'm staying with Stephen K Amos - my bestest comedy pal - who is the five star toast of the town right now, so I expect to bathe in Cristal, and lig into all the best parties.

Of course Friday night is the Big Brother final and I have switched horses in mid-stream. Three months ago I predicted and wanted Pete to win. I still think he will win, but I want Ashleyne to get the hundred grand now.

Everyone is going on about the journey from boy to man that Glyn has made in there, but Ash has been on a helluva journey herself, from Ghetto Princess to mature, decent and compassionate woman.

I don't recall ever seeing a housemate suffer such bullying and negativity from other housemates, yet she has grown and shone. She's had tons of flack for talking 'black' but all her friends are black, on all the supplimentary shows everyone that's spoken up for Ash has been black, so the fact that she uses slang aint that big a deal really. Its no different to wannabe Sloaney Grace Horse-Face and her 'fierce' slang.

Call 09011323314 and make her the winner now.

Conquering Demons

Back from my weekend at the seaside, and what a weekend it was!

Friday night Bournemouth was no trouble, the club was far from full, in fact there were only about 40 people in there. It was a pity, cos the line-up was cracking if I do say so myself.

I was MC, opening the show was the fabulous Roger Monkhouse, who just gets more and more enjoyable to watch. then it was my mates Harvey Oliver and Colin Cole, who both righteously kicked ass too.

I love bringing Colin on cos he's about 6'9" tall and the reaction is always funny. If there's been any lairyness in the audience it soon stops when the man-mountain Cole is on!

On Saturday I caught the train over to Brighton, filled with a mixture of excitement and trepidation.

Excitement cos I absolutely adore the place and trepidation cos I've yet to have a good gig at the Komedia!

The weather was totally mad, freezing cold one minute, sunny, hot and raining the next, typical. Why couldn't we have the heatwave now? It didn't really matter cos Brighton is fab whatever the weather.

Checked into the hotel, and had a little wander round the city, then prepared myself mentally and physically for the two shows I had that night. As I walked through to the dressing room I cased the crowd, looking for the lentil eaters who have made my past times here less than pleasurable. Couldn't see any obvious ones, but perhaps they were in disguise.

In the dressing room Harvey thrust a copy of the Independent under my nose, and there it was, a big up for me by James Rampton. Apparently I'm a 'rollicking good stand-up'. That'll do for me. Thanks James.

That boosted my confidence a wee bit and I went out to watch the start of the show. I was on in the middle - the girls' spot - known in the business as a c**t sandwich, so I had time to either chill out or freak out.

Rufus Hound was MC'ing. I'd never seen him before, or even met him. What a revelation! He's soooooooo talented and funny and quick! This boy is bound for greatness believe me.

He set up a really good atmosphere in the room and Harvey took that and ran with it to the next level.

After the break it was my turn, and I wasn't shaking exactly, but I did have the flutters. I heard my name and walked out. Twenty minutes later, I was thanking them for enjoying me. Relief is not the word for it! I had a cracker, the best I've ever had here by a mile.

There was no time to relax tho, cos I knew I had to go out and do it all again in 90 minutes' time.

The Komedia staff are fab and really look after you, and in between the shows they fed us the most delicious chilli. It was like a scene from Oliver as Colin, Harvey and myself sat in a line scooping up the delicious food.

We heard the late show crowd coming and boy did they sound feisty! I guess this should've freaked me out but it had the opposite effect, rowdy I can deal with.

I went out to perform my second set of the night, and I had one of my best gigs ever, not just at the Komedia, ever anywhere in the world! I was flying boy!

I cannot tell you how amazing it feels to go to a place where you've struggled and not only make amends but totally bust the place wide open. Its better than any drug, any sex, any handbag, anything!

But of course, I still couldn't relax, cos I had to do it all again Sunday night. Talk about no peace for the wicked! I had a wonderful day, long hot bath, stroll rounds the Lanes, chilling with the Sunday papers, good food....it was like being on holiday.

I decided to catch the train home after the gig, so packed and checked out, and made my way back to the Komedia. Could I make it three out of three? Dare I dream such dreams?

The answer is a resounding YES. I stormed it again. Wow.

Apart from the professional kudos, the most wonderful thing is that now I won't have to wait for another three years for the memory to fade, I can do more gigs in Brighton, more often. How brilliant.

This week...

Blimey not written anything for four whole days! I must have got myself a bit of a life.

It's been an art-filled week. On Tuesday I went to the Serpentine Gallery in Hyde Park. Every year they get an architect to design a Pavillion which then houses the cafe and is the venue for various events and talks. This year it was designed by Rem Koolhaus, and it looks like a giant hot air balloon has landing in the middle of the park. Either that or a massive egg sitting on top of an egg cup.

There wasn't anything going on in there apart from some pretty looking Raymond Blanc cakes in the cafe. I was overwhelmed with the choice so ended up just getting a coffee.

In the Gallery itself they had an exhibition of photographs by Thomas Demand. At first sight they just look like really well constructed photos, but then as you get up close you see that everything in the photo is fake. They're all models made out of cardboard. You gotta admire his dedication. They have a great art bookshop there too, and even sell a few limited edition artworks. I saw a fantastic salt and pepper pot set, but instead of salt and pepper written on them they had Cocaine and Heroin. I was almost tempted to buy them!

Wednesday I finally made it down to the Tate Modern to see the Kandinsky show. I met my pal Paul, which was fab as I haven't seen him for a while. The Tate was packed - I forget sometimes that we have to share London with tourists - and it was hard to really enjoy the exhibition. There was lots of his early stuff, which apart from the use of colour, you'd never guess was by the same artist.

Its a great illustration of the journey we all take in life. Start off as one thing and over the years become something totally different. I totally get his journey, as a creative person it takes a while to 'find your voice', I'm just finding mine now!

A little tip for anyone who is remotely interested in art, become a member of the Tate! It gets you in free to all shows at all four Tates, and there's a fantastic members bar at the Modern, with terraces overlooking the river.

Both of those days reminded me of just how much I love London. When the sun is shining, the Thames is just a glorious place, and if you get the chance to stroll along, you feel like you're on holiday somewhere fabulous.

The smoking thing is going brilliantly, in seven days I've gone from 40 a day to 22! I don't feel deprived, I haven't felt agitated or any kind of withdrawal symptons. I'm so chuffed, here's hoping I'm on my way to being a non-smoker!

I have a fab weekend ahead of me this weekend. I'm off to Bournemouth later, then tomorrow and Sunday I'm doing the Komedia in Brighton. Its been over three years since I've done the gig, and being really honest, its one gig I've never really stormed, but because I love Brighton so much I do it anyway to get a free weekend at the seaside!. I'm on with Harvey Oliver and Colin Cole, both of whom I love, so it's gonna be great.

The weather report is not great, but that's probably a blessing for the good folk of Brighton as it means I won't be stripping off and frying my ass on the Nudist beach. I will however be devouring all the fantastic shops in the Laines....can't wait.

Enjoy yourselves x

Where's the summer gone?

Sheesh. There I was all set to take a leisurely stroll long the South Bank to the Tate Modern today, and the weather is rank! It's not raining yet tho that's promised, but it's cold!

I checked the BBC weather website and aparently its 24 degrees. I remember a time when I woulda thought that was hot! Not now tho. Oh well, if it's still dry by the time I get out of the shower, I'll go anyway.

So the weekend gigs were at Jongleurs in Watford, its a bit of a rowdy venue, and the road outside is even rowdier! Lots of drunken youths being escorted into paddy wagons, that kinda vibe.

I like doing the gig tho, cos its always a bit of a challenge, and even better its easy for me to get to. I can get a train from Kilburn or Queens Park, always a bonus.

The bill was cool too. It was a very pleasant surprise to see my old mate Steve Jameson on the line-up. Steve and I have been going for the same length of time, and he's a true gentlemen, not to mention being funny and kind. Anyway a few years ago he came up with this character called Sol Bernstein, who's an old Jewish club comic, and he was doing the gigs as him. He was a bit nervous as it was his first time at Watford, but he kicked ass both nights. It was brilliant to see him doing well.

Even better than that, he doesn't live too far from me and bless his cotton socks, he stuck around both nights and drove me to my door! Thank you Steve.

The other two on the bill are old hands at playing Jongleurs, Brian Higgins and Addy van der Borgh. They both killed, both nights and had tons of new bits in their sets...it was a joy to watch them.

I thought gigging might affect my cigarette intake in a bad way, but it's going really well, Friday I smoked 27, down from 40, by Saturday it was 25 and yesterday I only smoked 23!!!!!!!

At this rate I'll be a non-smoker in a fortnight.

Went and had more acupuncture for the dizziness yesterday, I have to say that so far its doing bugger all for the dizziness but I feel really good inside. I get the weirdest sensations with it too. Yesterday, I was sleeping after she put the needles in (the one that went in the area where my reproductive system is really hurt! Wonder what that means?) but although I was in a deep sleep, I was aware that I was asleep, I could hear my breathing, even the odd dainty little snore! How mad is that? Can you be asleep and be awake at the same time??????

One of life's great mysteries I guess.

Still lovin' the haircut too. I've decided its less Posh and more Catherine Zeta Jones in Chicago...blonde version.

Happy days x

Smokin!

It's comes to us all I guess. That point where you realise that you aint getting any younger and that if you don't start taking care of your body, mind and soul, you're not gonna have much of an old age, and what bit you do have is gonna be wracked by illness.

Over the last six years I've given up alcohol, drugs, excessive shopping, chocolate, and sex (the latter is a temporary thing I hope, I just need some relationship free time to sort out my life, and I've learned over the years that there is nothing casual about 'casual sex' for me).

I have one major vice left....smoking.

I've been smoking since I was 21. It was really difficult to get into it, but I forced myself to persevere, cos I did (and still do) think it looks cool. However, after 24 years of pumping nicotine into my lungs and bloodstream, I have a smoker's cough, and there's bugger all sexy or cool about that!

I've tried to give up twice before. Once was 16 years ago, I watched the Alan Carr "Easy Way to Stop Smoking" video and gave up for four months, then I got drunk in a bar in New York and had 'just the one'. I learned that there's no such thing, and I was back on 'em again.

The second time was 18 months ago when I went for hypnotherapy. My mum was dying from lung cancer, so what bigger incentive did I need to give up?

This hypnotherapist had done the business with a comedy chum of mine, so I was full of expectation. So was he. He told me that if the first session didn't work, he'd give me a second one for free. I'd never been hypnotised before so didn't know what to expect, however I felt that an overwhelming desire for a fag was not what you were supposed to be feeling while you were in the 'trance'.

I left his office, and immediately wanted to smoke, I resisted the rest of that day and night and went back to see him the next day for the free session. That did bugger all too, and after 48 hours I was feeling suicidal. I decided it was better to have a fag than kill myself (the reality being in the long run fags'll do the job for ya), and put all thoughts of giving up out of my mind.

My main reason for wanting to quit was less the health aspect, it was the exorbitant cost that was motivating me. When I think that like £4 of every £5 packet goes to Tony Blair to fund illegal wars around the world, it makes me feel sick. So on January 1 I decided that from now on, at least I wasn't gonna buy cigarettes in this country. Luckily I was in Dubai when I made this decision, so I stocked up on £7 cartons of 200 and brought em home.

I've been away a lot so far this year so I managed to stick to my resolution. Until last Thursday. I smoked the last of the cheapos, and now came the crunch.

Just stopping seemed a bit drastic, but I can halve what I currently smoke, I decided.

And that's what I've begun to do. I was smoking 40 a day which is ridiculous. I would say that 30 of those cigarettes I'm not even aware of smoking. I just light up mindlessly, endlessly.

Yesterday I made a pact to smoke no more than two an hour, and I did it! Kinda. I was up at 9am and went to bed at 2.30am, and I smoked 27 ciggies as opposed to the 40 (at least) I woulda gone through on a gig day. So far today I've stuck to it too. My goal for the coming week is to get down to no more than 20 a day, and keep reducing, till I get bored and just stop.

I'm becoming more aware of each cigarette and how they make me feel, I reckon if I really put my mind to it, I can do this!

Wish me luck.

Hoots Mon!

Apologies to any Scots readers, but I couldn't think of another title!

The Edinburgh Festival is in full swing, and tons of my mates are up there doing their shows. I'm hoping to get up there in a couple of weeks' time for two or three days, and the list of shows I want to see is enormous! They include:

Talk Radio Starring Phil Nichol and a host of fabulous comedians including Stephen K Amos. It's Stewart Lee's version of the Eric Bogosian show/movie. Phil is perfect for the title role and I can't wait to see it.

Andrew Maxwell's show should be a corker too, he's been at the top of his game for the last few years.

Bill Bailey's Steampunk promises to be a must-see, Bill could stand onstage scratching his ass for 60 mins and I'd be laughing like a maniac.

Plus any or all of the following:

Carey Marx, Demetri Martin, Doug Stanhope, Ian Stone, Jeff Innocent, Jim Jeffries, Jock Scott and Gareth Sager (former punk poet and Rip Rig and Panic's mainman), Marcus Brigstocke (both his solo show and the Early Edition with Andre Vincent), Owen O'Neill, Rich Hall (both his stand-up and Levelland), Sean Collins, Simon Munnery, Stephen K Amos, Terry Alderton, True West (Tom Stade and Dave Johns doing proper acting), and Will Smith.

Jeez is that gonna be possible in 72 hours??????? When will I find time to lig and talk bollocks with industry people????? I'm knackered just at the thought of it!

In other news, while the above and about 500 more are busy turning Edinburgh into Comedy Summer Camp, I shall be entertaining the good folks at Watford Jongleurs tonight and tomorrow...not sure who I'm working with but it's a lively gig and one that's made all the more pleasurable by it's proximity to my home thanks to Silverlink!

One final thing, I had my hair cut this week, I've spent the last 4 years growing it and got it halfway down my back, longer than I've ever had it in my life. The recent heatwave took all the pleasure out of having long hair as I spent four weeks with it shoved up on the top of my head with a clip. So on Monday I bit the bullet and had it cut into a really cute little bob. It makes me look young, fresh and innocent...which is a pleasant change from the bedhead slut look I've been working for the last few years.

I hadn't seen too many of them floating about, so it was nice to be a bit original. That was Monday. By Tuesday I started hearing stories about Posh having had her hair cut, into a bob, today I saw a photo. Damn! Now everyone is gonna think I copied her!!!!!!!

Still at least I didn't have to have mine done cos I was going bald!

Enjoy the weekend folks xxxx