It's The Mutts....

So they Vietnamese people’s attitude to dogs is the most complicated I’ve ever come across.

The popularity of Dachshunds and Chihuahuas as pets is astounding, everywhere I’ve gone from North to South I’ve seen these pampered pets being treated almost as well as they treat their kids (and they really love their kids).

It makes it all the more difficult to believe the story first told to me by the tour guide who led us round the Cu Chi Tunnels three weeks ago - the “evil American” one - that her family up in the North have for generations farmed dogs for food. Now I am guessing here that they’re not farming Chihuahuas or sausage dogs (unless its for snacks) - but when I asked her what breed they eat she was suitably vague. In a country where there’s almost as many cows as people and beef is the top dish on every menu, why go to the trouble of breeding dogs for dinner?

I thought she might have been taking the piss, but when I got to the Ha Noi I was assured that it was very much true. I have to say I didn’t find a restaurant serving dog, and I’m not sure what I would’ve done if I had, but it just seems daft to me.

I guess the restaurants don’t emblazon their frontage with the words “Dog Served Here” (otherwise Jordan would be eating there) but I did see a lot of places with the word “Chien” but I’m pretty sure they weren’t ‘fancying it up’ by using the French word for dog.

The other dog thing I have going on here in Vietnam is the proliferation of the generic mutt. Everywhere I have been in the last month I have see the same damn dog! I think all the strays here in Vietnam came from one set of parents I didn’t start taking pictures till I’d seen a few, but here’s a few of the ones I’ve caught on camera so far...
































Bizarrely, there's tons of this about too. It's a chain of ice-cream parlours. If only they did pancakes, it'd be made with Fanny-batter!

Ooooh What A Wet Wat!

Soooo it was an early night and even earlier morning as the day had finally arrived for me to get to see another one of my Top Ten Wonders of the World, Angkor Wat.

After a bit of breakfast I checked outside the hotel. My god! The water level had risen by about 6" on last night, and it was still raining. The tour guide suggested we wait for an hour before heading out because it was so wet, so we all buggered off back to our rooms to get another layer of waterproof clothes on. Mine consisted solely of an old UKPlay cagoule I got given when I did the Reading Festival about 15 years ago! It was perfect actually.

Finally we set off. The whole of Siem Reap was submerged, there was no difference between the river and the river bank anymore. The minibus made it through and we got to the site. We were given a bit of history lesson en route. I for one didn't know that it was initially a site of Hindu worship, and didn't become a Theravada Buddhist one till the 13th Century.

It was brought to the attention of the west in the mid-19th Century by a French explorer who was astounded at the size of the place and the fact that it was only used for worship, there were no signs that people had ever lived here.

Restoration was begun around this time but when the Khmer Rouge took control in the 1970's all work stopped. A number of statues were stolen or destroyed but the majority of Angkor Wat was just left to rot during this horrific period of Cambodia's history.

On arrival we all had to get our photos taken for our one day pass, then finally we got to see it! I was excited and apprehensive as we walked into the site, a bit like I was when I went to the Taj Mahal earlier this year. Would this exceed all my expectations in the same way?

In a word. Yes. From my first glimpse to my final one, I was overawed, amazed, astounded, and just majorly blown away but the place! Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful.

We had about an hour to look around the Angkor site, then we went back into town for some lunch. The rain was still pouring so everyone took the chance to dry off and change clothes. I decided my Nike Rift's were failing the job miserably so I hopped into a tuk tuk and went to the market where I did something I'm not proud of (but I had no other choice Your Honour). I bought a pair of mock Crocs.

Finally I saw what their purpose was - they are the perfect flood shoe. I got a pair for about $5 and they totally served their purpose when we headed back over to the site for a sunset view of the Bayon Temple. Just when you think it can't be any more beautiful you turn a corner and there's another breathtaking sight in front of you.

As the sun went down we had to leave, but one thing is certain, I will be back here to spend more time soaking up all this wonder. Hopefully in the dry season!

Angkor Wat Here I Come!!!!

Well, technically Siem Reap here I come. That's the town closest to the site of Angkor and the other Wats. A mere four hours by road from Phnom Penh. Anh and I got settled in, and the driver's mate put a dvd on for everybody's pleasure. Well not everybody's of course as I couldn't understand a word of it. It appeared to be some kind of variety show that mixed X Factor with comedy sketches, and a bit where exiled Vietnamese people can video messages for their loved ones in the Mother country (a bit like the old Two Way Family Favourites on Radio 2 when I was a kid).

I praised the lord for my iPod and put on a playlist of Gorillaz and assorted other Damon Albarn side-projects. It was sufficient to last the entire journey. By this stage I was used to the differing quality of the roadside stops and learned to hop off first instead of being polite if I wanted to get a loo with paper and a dry floor. As we drove further and further into Cambodia it was difficult to tell what was road, field, river or lake. The CNN floods were real it seemed.

By the time we got to Siem Reap it resembled Venice! I guess they're used to it cos nobody seemed phased at all by the water levels that were rising as we drove closer and closer. The hotel was on higher ground, so we were able to disembark and stay dry. After dumping our bags we were back on the bus to go for dinner.

Again I sat with my London pals and was steered through the variety of food on offer. It seems to follow a set pattern - rice, soup, a fish dish, beef, pork, chicken, veggies - but every time the style of cooking the assorted dishes is different.

The rain continued to pour as we ate and didn't let up back at the hotel. Shame cos there's a cracking night market here apparently, but I didn't much fancy getting soaked for the sake of a bit of tourist tat. Anyway I had a big day ahead of me so after a shower, I hit the sack.

And Onto Cambodia...

So for my final day in HCMC I decided just to chill, I got a pedicure for pennies, had a leisurely lunch involving some Chicken Pho (noodle soup) and several cups of coffee as I watched the world go by, I also had a little browse around the Market. As I was swooped on by all the saleswomen, I realised that even a polite ‘no thank you’ isn’t enough to deter them attempting to sell me a plastic ‘jade’ bracelet or some other piece of tat I have no need of. Now I’ve learned that the best thing to do is to just smile at them, say nothing.

I had great fun as they ran the gamut of all the languages they’ve learned so that they can shift this crap. Actually, it’s incredibly impressive just how many different ways they can say ‘Come look my shop’!

After dinner - rice, shrimps, greens - I spent a fair bit of time sorting through my clothes and deciding which items I wanted to take for my four day trip to Cambodia. Not an easy choice, and not because I’m a girl, but because CNN was full of tales of flooding but the weather web-sites weren’t. I didn’t wanna have the wrong stuff and end up being all whingy.

Once that was done I hit the sack, and slept the sleep of the righteous.

The alarm went off about 30 seconds later (or so it felt) and I was in the shower before I’d even opened my eyes. I packed all the stuff I didn’t need in my suitcase, and got my ‘weekend’ bag together, before heading down to meet my driver. He dropped me at the bus station to connect with my coach, and promised my suitcase would be safe. Let’s hope so.

I boarded the bus and was assigned the seat right behind the driver - cool. Gone are the days of school trips where I always made a dash for the back seat along with my mates. I asked the guide if the bus was going to be busy as there were only a few of use at this point and he said ‘Yes, full’. As we set off from the bus depot, I still had an empty seat next to me, and the naive fool inside of me held out the hope that I’d have the extra space for the more than four hour journey that lay ahead of me today. Finally as we left the outskirts of HCMC the entire bus was full apart from the seats across the aisle and the one next to me. I was sure my question had been lost in translation.

Of course, it was at that point that the bus stopped and three people got on. There was an elderly Vietnamese lady, a younger one and a very young boy who was to be my neighbour for the next four days. As he sat down, he began to sneeze and cough and in my head I cursed him as my previous cold was just about gone, and now this legroom stealing mofo was gonna re-infect me!

After a quick hello, he pulled out his iPhone and attached his headphones, and basically I heard nothing from him but the coughing till we got to the border between Vietnam and Cambodia. Just before the border we stopped for breakfast and it was then that I got a good look at all my fellow passengers. Eventually I realised I was the only European.

A Vietnamese lady seated next to me in the roadside cafe asked me where I was from and when I said London, she replied ‘me too’! Su-Ann and her husband Danny were over here visiting their family. Talk about a gift from the gods. Not only were they a cracking couple, they became my guardians for the entire trip, translating what they guides were saying for me, talking me through the breakfasts, lunches and dinners we shared, and of course I could have flowing conversations with them instead of the pidgin English I’d been using since I arrived!

I had my first traditional Vietnamese breakfast which was basically the same as lunch and dinner with the odd variation here and there. It felt odd to be eating something sooooo savoury this early in the day, but it sure was tasty!

A woman came around the tables with a fistful of notes and Su-Ann explained that she had Cambodian currency and charged no commission. I gave her $60 and got a huge wad of money in return. I didn’t think it was possible to have a currency even madder than the Vietnam Dong but the Cambodian Riel makes me feel as rich as Bill Gates!

We got back on the bus and drove about 10 minutes up the road to the checkpoint. The tour guide told me I could just leave my passport here and collect it on the way back in four days’ time. He assured me that it was perfectly safe and that I’d be given a scan of it for use in Cambodia. I looked at him like he was insane, and calmly explained that I’d be going nowhere without my passport. He began to moan that it would take three hours to sort out my Visa on Arrival and I just said ‘so be it’. They knew they were going to have at least one non-Vietnamese person on the bus so wtf?

Once he saw that I wasn’t going to be fobbed off, he walked me through the entire process and it took all of 20 minutes instead of the three hours he said. It kinda made me wonder what scam he and his pals at the border had planned for my passport.

We drove on, and on, and on and by now me and my schoolboy neighbour had begun to communicate. His name was Anh and he was 16 and a great young man. He was looking to practice his English and as a result I ended up with another translator. Just as well really cos we collected a Cambodian guide who spoke maybe 5 words of English in total. So much for my promised “English speaking guide’!

Ah well, eventually we arrived in Phnom Penh and the bus parked up at NagaWorld - a casino with an allegedly five star hotel attached. I guess there are different ratings around the world. Still it was clean and safe and I was ready to just relax after almost an entire day of travelling.

A shower, dinner and a read of my book and I was sparko by 9pm!

Cu Chi Coup

Inspired by my tour of Ho Chi Minh City, I handed over a further $14 and went on another trip the following day. This time to the Cao Dai Pagoda and the infamous Cu Chi Tunnels where the Viet Cong hid from the “Evil Americans” as our tour guide phrased it.

The bus was rammed full yet again with mainly Aussies, including my mate from yesterday’s tour Trevor. Every seat was taken and to be honest it wasn’t comfortable for anyone. Some poor guy who was a good 6’5” spent a couple of hours with his knees under his chin!

The Tay Ninh temple was our first stop. This is a relatively new religion, it was founded in 1926 and combines the best bits of just about every other religion including Hinduism, Buddhism, Christianity, Taoism and Confucianism. Blimey the Sunday services must go on forever! It was an amazing place, and felt very Chinese to me, even though they have “Mass” and there are Priests, Bishops and Nuns. We were permitted to watch the midday Mass and while I have no real idea of what was being said or sung, it gave me a sense of peace to listen and watch.

From there it was a mercifully short drive to the Cu Chi Tunnels. What an amazing place. It was hot and humid and as we stood in the middle of the forest, I got a real sense of what it must’ve been like for those young men shipped out to fight a war they had no real knowledge of. I also was full of admiration for the VC guerillas’ whose ingenuity and determination. There’s a whole Wikipedia page about it here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Củ_Chi_tunnels - check it out.

I have to admit that I bottled it when the others were getting their photos taken climbing into and out of one of the tunnels. It wasn’t even that the entrance looked tiny, the 6’5” guy did it, but it was all a bit ‘buried alive’ for my tastes. To think that those people lived in them is just breathtaking!

Gooooodddd Morning Vietnam!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sooooo after a cracking few days in Bangkok, it was time to board my bargain Air Asia flight to Ho Chi Minh City (aka Saigon).

For me this was the most carefree travelling I’ve done so far. I had four nights booked at a hotel in town, but beyond that, nothing till I have to be in Singapore in November. My theory was that I could book my further explorations of Vietnam and Cambodia cheaper once I got there.

When I got to the airport I stocked up on several gazillion Vietnam Dong (so far I’ve resisted channelling Leslie Phillips and adding a “Ding” to that). A $100 US buys about a million of the things, I feel like the latest Euromillions winner - minus the abandoned child of course!

I hopped in a cab to District One, and checked into my hotel. It’s a 3 star but all clean, safe, and full of fantastic staff. It was also perfectly placed for the local market and most other amenities. It’s called the Blue Diamond, check it out.

I dumped my stuff, and disappeared off into the midst of the night market to explore. I found a food stall and sat down for a feast that was unfeasibly cheap. I had a little wander about to walk the dinner off before sampling the Vietnamese coffee at a sidewalk cafe opposite the hotel. It sure is different to Starbucks! Delicious but unlike any coffee I’ve ever tasted.

I decided to book a city tour for the following day as a way of orientating myself. I’ve done that in most of the places I’ve visited and it really helps with getting your bearings in a new city.

So far on this trip I’ve yet to meet any English people travelling. I guess the credit crunch really is hitting everyone. Aussies are a different matter - they’re everywhere, including my tour of Saigon. There’s the two cool teachers Sarah Rose and her pal with the hard to pronounce name who were both great fun, and there was Trevor from Brizzie who was the perfect straight man and a softer touch to the local sales folk than I am!


We started the tour at the War Remnants Museum which was a pretty grim way to begin the day. It was heartbreaking seeing the horrors inflicted by the US soldiers on the locals. The photographs of the effects of Agent Orange, still being felt to this day, made me weep with shame for the ability of mankind to harm each other.



From there it was onto the “Mother Sky Pagoda” which is home to the followers of Cao Dai - from what I can fathom its a mix of three religions including Buddhism, good enough for me - the incense was burning like billy-o as locals prayed to their gods for good luck and forgiveness.


Other stopping points included the Reunification Palace, the enormous French-built Post Office, Notre Dame Cathedral which is modeled on the Paris original, and the Father Sky Temple which was teeming with turtles on the non-ninja mutant variety.


The most exciting part was stopping at a cafe for some Pho - Vietnamese soup - and getting a lesson in how to pronounce it, much to the amusement of the locals!

HCMC perhaps doesn’t need a guided tour, its not that big, but it was a cracking day with a top guide and great fellow tourists.

Hit The Road Chatuchak

Friday morning saw me wide awake and raring to go - kinda. My right knee seems to have gone on strike. Actually it’s been knackered for a while now but of course I’m walking way more here and the fact is I am just a bit knackered.

Anyway today was going to be spent catching up with a good mate and his wife. He lives out here and it was my first chance for a free-flowing conversation since I left London. We caught up on comedy gossip, life news and everything in between. The food was cracking too.

The place we met The Barbican, is run by the guy who runs the venue where mainly British comics perform here. I’ve not done the gig here but the fella that runs it seems like a really top bloke. He gave me a card and said if I needed anything to give him a call. Always handy to have a mate in a big city.

After lunch we parted company and I hopped in a tuk tuk and whizzed off to my favourite temple in Bangkok, Wat Pho. It’s my third visit and the sight of the massive reclining Buddha never fails to fill me with awe. As I’m here out of peak season, I managed to find a smaller temple that was empty apart from two monks praying silently. I plonked myself down and sat for a good while just making sense of things. Gazing up at the enormous gold Buddha, all my cares and fears seemed to subside. His eyes filled me with calm.

When I originally booked this trip I’d planned to go to Vietnam on Saturday, but then I remembered Chatuchak Market was on and changed it to Sunday.

It was raining again on Saturday morning and my inherited cold had fully taken hold, but I wasn’t going to miss the market. It’s a fair old distance, but with the SkyTrain, takes next to no time to reach. The arctic aircon on the train cools you enough to last till you get to the site, then of course you will start sweating again.

I’ve been here twice before and I know I’ve barely scraped the surface, it’s less a market more a city of shopping, but I’ve given it a good go. There’s numerous bargains to be hand and a new development seems to be the proliferation of stalls selling second hand Americana clothing. Faded 501’s, vintage Mickey Mouse t-shirts, and bizarrely hundreds of well worn cowboy boots, so many in fact it looked like a line-dancing convention.

Having bought nothing all week I seemed to be gripped by a spending fever. I came away with t-shirts, tops, a dress, a bag to carry them all and against all wisdom a pair of vintage Dickies dungarees. Don’t ask why, I blame my cold. Needless to say they’re the heaviest item of clothing I have with me, so now I have to wear them to travel. Consequently I am rocking a 70’s lesbian/kids’ tv presenter look today!

I managed to last four hours, fortified by a fresh mango smoothie and a delicious latte at a cool little cafe stall, but then the heat, my dodgy knee and the stuffiness in my head sent me back to the hotel to rest up. I’ll be back Chatuchak, I will conquer you!

Tigerrrrrrrsssss!!!!!!

To say I was excited about this trip is a massive understatement! I first visited the Tiger Temple on my 49th birthday last year and was overwhelmed at how peaceful these gorgeous creatures were.

I was also a bit apprehensive thinking it might not be as good this time, just because I was looking forward to it so much. Turns out I needn’t have worried.

I got my friendly Tuk Tuk driver to take me over to Khao San Road to pick up the mini-bus, and being the Anal-Annie that I am I had him collect me a full 90 minutes before I needed to be there just because I was concerned about the morning rush-hour traffic. Of course my ‘balls of steel’ driver was darting in and out of the traffic, driving on the opposite side of the road, and generally being a crazy man so I was there within 30 minutes! Just as well I hadn’t had breakfast I guess.

The bars and restaurants on the KSR don’t seem to ever close and as I tucked into my scrambled eggs I surveyed my fellow diners - there were a couple of working girls having a breakfast of toast and orange flavoured Bacardi Breezer, and western bloke who looked like he’d been living in a skip for at least half his young life, necking a lager and trying to persuade his companion to take him off for a bit of early morning jiggy-jig, somehow the girl managed to resist that temptation! There were four guys who’d been travelling maybe a wee bit too long downing beers and putting the world to rights, as you do. Fascinating. There’s at least a couple of novels’ worth of stories in these few tables!

Finally it was time to get on the bus and get off to Kantanaburi. The group this time weren’t as friendly as the last bunch I travelled with, although one Dutch girl very kindly shared her cold with me. Still it didn’t matter, I read some of the magazines I’d been saving up for the trip, I slept and the three hours passed soon enough. The guide was telling us we might be able to bottle feed some very young cubs, needless to say I was well up for that one. Of course it would cost extra, but what the hell.

The numbers had increased too since my last trip. Then there were 54 tigers, now there’s 80! The story goes that when the first tiger wandered into the temple grounds he was recognised as a reincarnated monk. I’m trying not to be cynical, but I doubt all 80 of the current residents were monks in the past - but you never know. They also have a family of black bears, not sure they were monks either, but the cubs were very cute.


In just 18 months it has gotten even more commercialised. As you enter you drive through a huge tiger’s mouth, and there’s a massive stone statue of a tiger and her cub that wasn’t there before. Apparently they are rebuilding the temple too, but trying to find the current one is a bit difficult!

Sadly the cub feeding was already full, so I opted for playing with the slightly older ones (12 months and upwards). For an extra 1000 baht we would get to wash them and feed them too. Fair enough. I gave my rucksack to the tour guide, removed my shoes and sunglasses and off we went backstage.

Now, last time I was here, it was baking hot and the sun was burning up the sky all of the tigers bar the 5 month old were half asleep. As we got to the prep area, the heavens opened and the woman who was explaining the rules said this was a good thing as the tigers love it when it rains and it’s cooler.

I was led by the hand through and into the pit. There was grass, concrete and a pool, the same pool I’d seen a tiger pooing in earlier. She was leading me down into the edge of the pool so I rolled up my trousers - pointlessly as it turned out - I’d just stood up again when the tigers appeared. Wow! These ones weren’t half asleep! They were big and lively and up for a play in the water. I had a long bamboo pole with an inflated plastic bag on the end, along with a rubber duck. The idea was to bang it in the water and move it about, just like you would if you were playing with a cat. They responded like cats too! Just much, much bigger, with huge teeth and massive paws.

We’d been told to stand still otherwise they’d chase us and not the toys, so when a pair of rather large beasts started play fighting no more than six inches away from me I stayed stock still. My guide yanked me away. Apparently you’re allowed to move when there’s two of em fighting that closely.

The tigers really seemed to enjoy getting the humans wet and between them splashing us and the torrential downpour we were all drenched, but it didn’t matter somehow. I cannot describe the sheer joy I felt in my heart being this close to these amazing animals. I reckon the only thing that could top it would be to be doing this with a bunch of apes. Sadly, as far as I’m aware no monks have been reincarnated as monkeys yet.

I was pretty spent after the play session but the experience wasn’t over. We went backstage again and after we were hosed down - the pool was full of tiger poo and wee and didn’t smell great - it was time to wash the tigers. I’m not sure why I felt no fear as I massaged the soap into his back but I didn’t. He didn’t seem to mind it either.

Then it was dinner time, and I confess holding a big old chunk of chicken in my hand and seeing those teeth as he came towards me to take it did cause my heart to quicken, but again, just the most amazing experience.


I know I sound all gushing, but if you ever get the opportunity to visit this place, please do. I know there is all kind of negativity on the net about the place, but I saw no signs of ill treatment, and these ones sure as hell hadn’t been drugged. In an ideal world, yes they would be roaming wild with lots of land to live and hunt and reproduce, but this world is far from ideal and something tells me that if these beasts where unhappy, we’d know about it.

As for me, I know I will be back, but I really cannot think of a way that I can top this experience!

Bangkok Baby!!!!! (Again!!!!)

Once I was shown to my room, I unpacked and freshened up a bit. I was already on Thai time thanks to the sleep, so instead of being tempted to take a wee nap that would’ve thrown me completely, at 7pm I was ready to head out for the evening. I’m staying in the Silom district which is handy for most things really. Patpong Night Market is a 10 minute walk away, and Lumpini Night Market about 20 minutes.

I have really fond memories of the market near the park, lots of stalls not selling the usual tourist rubbish but work by young artists and designers, and just stuff you don’t really see elsewhere. Plus they have a brilliant food court where you can sample all kinds of SE Asian cuisine cheaply and they throw in a show! Usually it’s teenagers miming to the latest pop songs but it’s kinda cute.

That wasn’t my destination tonight though, I was off over to the far side of town to the Khao San Road to book my trip to the Tiger Temple. I did a deal with one of the Tuk Tuk drivers outside the hotel whereby if he didn’t stiff me on fares or try to take me to his ‘friend’s shop’ I would use him for all my transport needs over the coming week. He saw the sense in this and we were off.

My first time in Bangkok in 2006 I was too scared of the traffic to risk a Tuk Tuk and took cabs everywhere, but this is my third trip and I know that if you get the right driver, he will shave several minutes off every journey compared to a cab. Not to mention they are far cheaper! He dropped me at the end of the road and as I remembered it last year, it was teeming with people of all ages, mostly from Europe, either at the start or the end of their travels. The younger ones at the start, were the ones with the wide eyes, sitting patiently as they had the obligatory dreadlocks sewn into their short hair - boom! Instant traveller.

I made my way up the road to the travel agent I used to book my trip last time last time, and the same guy was there. Needless to say he didn’t remember me, in 18 months he must’ve sold a gazillion tickets. He was somewhat easier to recognise because the fingers of his left hand are missing. I remember the shock of seeing it last time because you just don’t notice it at first, the same thing happened this time! He’s a good bloke and as he wrote out my ticket for Thursday’s trip, he was also advising me on my forthcoming trip around Vietnam and Cambodia - without even trying to sell me a trip I hasten to add.

Once I was all sorted for Thursday, I took my time strolling down the road, I had some Pad Thai, that cost pennies, then I treated myself to a 15 minute session in the Fish Spa. Over the last year or so these have been popping up all over the UK, but the ones I’ve seen at home have maybe the 10 of the Garra Ruffa fish in a tank looking a bit sad and gummy, over here there’s thousands and these little fuckers are feisty!


I plonked my trotters in and immediately it looked like I was wearing fish legwarmers! Nothing can prepare you for the sensation of these mouths on your skin, nor do you get used to it. I’ve had a fair few of them now but that first couple of minutes just feels really, intensely weird!

After that I followed it up with a 30 minute foot massage which felt wonderful, especially when she gave my knackered old knees a good going over. Then it was time for dessert - mango and sticky rice with coconut milk - eating this stuff is what heaven must be like I reckon!

I found another Tuk Tuk to bring me back to the hotel and after a good hot shower and a quick check of my emails via the free hotel internet, it was bedtime.
Wednesday say me on a mission. Whenever I’ve travelled in the past one of the joys has been not using my mobile and knowing that if anyone wants to contact me it’ll have to be by email and thus at my convenience. This time, because I’m doing gigs, I decided it was time to embrace the 21st century away from home. All the time I was in India I resisted it, and there were opportunities lost as a result of not being able to contact or be contacted at times.

So off I went on the fabulous Sky Train to MBK - a massive mall that specialises in electronics. I couldn’t swear that everything sold there is genuine, but if you like a gadget this is the place to come! I was focused on my target though - a cheap pay-as-you-go mobile. It took me all of 20 minutes and 850 baht - less than £20 - for a phone and sim card. Perfect.

From there I browsed the three Siam Malls across the road from MBK - there’s all kinds of genuine designer goods for sale here but there’s also a section that features young designers doing all kinds of funky clothes at not too obscene prices. Somehow I managed to resist buying anything - even a pair of fabulous trousers I saw that I totally loved, they had that old ‘dropped crotch’ thing going on and after catching a glimpse of myself in a pair in a shop window in India earlier in the year I know they really aren’t for me!

I came back for a roof-top swim in the rain, but by the time I got to my room all I was fit for was a power nap - ahhh the joys of aging!
The stormy Bangkok sky at night.

In the evening I decided to hit both the night markets - Patpong first, then Lumpini. Luckily for me I asked at the reception before I set out. God knows why, but Lumpini Night Market is long gone it turns out! What a shame. It really was the perfect bazaar.

Just Patpong it is then. I wandered along the backstreets (look at me I know a shortcut!) and while the stalls were all out and the go-go bars all open and garish with their neon, there were surprisingly few tourists. I spoke to someone later who said that the numbers are down generally, but I also realised that I’m not actually here in the height of the tourist season either. I kinda like it to be honest.

I prowled the streets looking not for a ‘love you long time’ treat, but for the handbag that might transform my life. Well, either I am changing or the the quality of the fakes is going down, but there wasn’t one bag that tickled my fancy!

I have to say that my buzz comes from just wandering about the streets, people watching, taking in all of the sights and sounds - and smells - and this sure is a city to fulfill all of those needs.

Normal (Dis)service Will Be Resumed

Even though a part of me wanted to stay awake to sample all the delights of ‘posh’ class, the desire to sleep overtook me and the next thing I knew I was been gently woken for my breakfast of yummy yogurt and fruit along with fresh brewed coffee. I looked at my watch and realised I’d been asleep for at least six and a half hours! How fabulous.

Along with our landing cards we were given a ‘fast track’ ticket through immigration, wow the other half really do live well! As a result I was out the other side and looking for my pre-arranged lift within 20 minutes of getting off the plane.

I’d arranged for the hotel to collect me because when I stayed there last year I remembered that my airport taxi got horribly lost and we just seemed to be trapped in the Bangkok traffic forever. This way, even though it was twice the regular cab fare, I figured I’d have a smooth trip to the hotel too. So I waited at the meeting point, and I waited. I phoned the contact number on the email using coins I’d found in my drawer from the last trip, and was told he was definitely there waiting for me. I rang several more times over the next two hours only to be fobbed off with a dozed bullshit excuses.

I have a friend who has lived here for years and he says that one of the most frustrating things about the Thais is that fear of ‘losing face’. By that he means that rather than saying ‘I fucked up’ they will fob you off with all kinds of rubbish excuses and try to make out that you have fucked up. This was a perfect example. The last line the controller gave me was that I hadn’t replied to the email confirming my booking.

I gave up and took a regular cab, saved 500baht, and when I checked into the hotel and showed them my confirmation email for the car suddenly the person - who’d been fluent -didn’t speak or read any English! The best they came up with was the magnanimous announcement that they weren’t going to charge me! I told them they were lucky I wasn’t charging them for the two hours of my time they wasted!

What was interesting is that they whole incident didn’t inflame my anger anywhere near as much as it would’ve done had I been sleep deprived from the flight. They really have no idea how lucky they are that I got that upgrade!

Another Adventure Begins...

… in the most amazing way! Leaving London in the middle of a freaky October heatwave was not what I had planned when I booked my trip, but then so many of the plans I did have when I booked subsequently changed that I really shouldn’t be surprised that my home town was basking in temperatures approaching the ones I was travelling to in SE Asia. To make matters worse, there was forecasts of flooding in Bangkok while London was set to be sweltering.

A combination of events too mundane to list meant that instead of being at the airport a good six or so hours before take off, I arrived a mere four hours early. There was a vague promise of an upgrade on my flight but I wasn’t really allowing myself to believe that might actually happen. Just being able to bugger off on this trip was exciting enough!

I did the whole bag drop/strip-off for security thing (my amulets from my first trip to the Wat Pho Temple really set the alarms screaming this time) then after I had slowly put my shoes, belt, jewellery and watch back on, and squished my laptop back into my overstuffed rucksack, I did a quick sprint through duty free stopping only for some Prada Candy and another pot of eye cream, before finding a table in one of the surprisingly few restaurants they have there at Terminal 3 of Heathrow. I was a bit disappointed not to be flying from T5 cos everything is shiny and new there.

Anyway by the time I ate half a sandwich and drank half a glass of too sweet “fresh” lemonade, it was time to go to the gate. I’d been told that if there was to be an upgrade I’d be informed as I handed in my boarding pass.

The flight was merely stopping off at Bangkok en route to Sydney and as I saw the multitudes of people both in front and behind me in the line, what few hopes I had were slowly disappearing. I asked as she scanned my pass and was told there was nothing on the system. That was that then. Oh well I had a bag full of sleeping pills, I’d just have to pop them and sleep sitting up in my economy seat. I’d pre-booked an aisle seat so god help whoever was going to be stuck next to me!

As I walked up the aisle to the back of the plane my last tiny shred of hope was cast before a kind looking flight attendant. I told her my tale and she said she would see what she could do.

The plane took off and it looked as though that final hope was also dashed, so I ordered a Bloody Mary and started planning what time I would take my first sleeping pill. Just as I was about to take it, the Steward whispered into my ear that I should grab my stuff and follow the Purser. Boy did I move fast!

I had to follow him all the way through the Economy (or World Traveller) section, through the Premium Economy (Club World) section, and climb the stairs to the top deck!!!!!!!!! I can’t tell you how excited I was as I reached the magical Upper Deck. I’m not in First Class but I do have a seat that goes into a bed and there is a screen separating me from the man on the opposite seat. The massive irony of the bed seat thing is that I don’t want to sleep in case I miss anything up here in “posh”.

I got a menu from which to choose my dinner and my new Bloody Mary came in a real glass with Smirnoff Blue vodka, not the Red stuff. As I ate my salmon roulade appetizer I put the Bose headphones on and watched Woody Allen’s new movie “Midnight In Paris”.

Just like Owen Wilson in the movie, something tells me my dreams are coming true too!